not the hero?

...everybody grows up with a certain projection of what their life is going to be like. 

always the hero in our own stories.

but lately i realised, 

... I'm the Villain! in my own story, I turn out to be the Villain! 

..but i love it- which is even more villainous of me. 

mwahaha. 

The apprentice.

Home again, like any other summer, although we knew the other option of travelling with "the crew" was getting old and over used. I found myself strangely spaced out through out the morning, while Mom was asking my Uncle to test drive the car making sure it was fine for the yearly family holiday and road trip. I wanted some quiet place to clear my mind and get over the bleakness of preparing for the usual holiday that took too long to drive to and had too short a stay to really enjoy. As per usual, my brother had inhabited my room, making phone calls, catching up with tons of people he'd been missing through the year. So i decided to try the roof.


The skies had turned strangely grey for a summer's evening, and I even felt a slight chill or something like a nervous anticipation... for what? the road trip? haha. no way. 


As i turned to go back downstairs, I saw him, standing just there a few meters behind me. A sudden rush of emotions ran through me, questions.. where have you been? why the silence? ... but at the same time a warm sense of security like having your father hold you after a nightmare. 


"I need you, we need to leave now"... he said, in his usual calm, expressionless tone. 


"Why? what's happening? what for? I.."


"Please, there's no time, we leave now!"


Taking what was definitely too-short a breathe to weigh out my situation, I stepped on the edge of the roof with my arms wrapped around him and his one arm around me and before i knew it, we were in the sky. 


The air was moist and cold as we passed the clouds and the numerous mountain ranges. I realised how I had changed since I last saw him. I was older and more logical, I was able to better weigh out risks and hence had more fears. All of sudden I realised   that I may have even lost the ability to completely trust people, including him. 


I whispered, "can you hold me tighter? I'm afraid I might fall."
"I got you." Was all he said. 


We landed in this primitive looking land that had no roads, just pathways paved with rocks and mud. I still didn't know why we where there and what we we're looking for. But my intuition sensed that we were looking for someone. Something? We walked through what seemed like the city, since there we're hundreds of locals going about their business. The lanes we're narrow and winding and I realised if I were alone, i'd be completely lost. 


The late evening sun was setting and it was getting dark, suddenly a huge mob of people started walking in my direction, bumping into me and nudging me. I realised they were all looking at me like I was an outsider, an alien. I could tell from our change in speed, he was aware of it too. My feet were sore, I realised in my hastiness to leave home, I hadn't even put shoes on, all I had were socks, that were beginning to rip on the stones and pebbles in the pathways. 


Suddenly,I felt it, a strange dark uncomfortable sensation, something like when your heart sinks after you realise something bad was going to happen. Then, I saw the man, a short, dark, bald man who caught a quick glimpse of me before I could turn away. Before I knew it, I was being followed and my brisk steps turned into a sprint. The lanes were narrow and I was shutting windows as I ran, he turned and jumped over the closest wall that was way too high for me to try and jump over. My sore feet were slowing me down and before i knew it, i had run into a farm, cornered. 


I turned around, armed with a club-shaped piece of wood I had picked up during the pursuit. The gang chasing me were short, and... young. There were just kids, around my age, teenagers. All kinds of things were racing through my mind, I had fought before, but always fought men, not children. I couldn't kill them, they were just children. So I asked, " What do you want? Why were you chasing me?" The closest girl to me answered, " You're not from here are you? We know most of the kids in town so when we saw you we wanted to know who you were and what you're doing here." 
I felt a huge sigh of relief, knowing i didn't have to hurt any of them. Then one of the others said, ".. there's a bad man in town today, you shouldn't be walking about in the streets you're not from here. Bad things happen to trespassers.."


Then i realised again. Where was I? What was this forbidden town? 


"Quick! you need to get out of here,they're coming! Hide if you have to!"


I turned, climbed the farm wall and ran. One of the boys decided to stick with me to make sure I knew where to go. 


There I saw him again, at the gate of a large house that was strangely familiar. It was locked. See, I hadn't told you about this man, the one that appeared on my roof top. It wasn't magic or any type of sorcery. He was able to bend the rules of physics around him. To alter the behaviour of the elements that surrounded him. This allowed to levitate, fly and do other things some of which he hadn't yet revealed, things I  would one day see. I was sure of this since I was...his apprentice. 


He held mine and the boy's hand as we levitated to the top floor. We had to fly out of here, but we could not do it in plain sight. We needed to get to the roof. We could not just levitate of the side of the building since more people would see us. We had to go through the house. 


The front door was open, so I peered inside. There was an elderly woman sitting with her back to us.


There was something odd about this,... I had seen her before... 


...Grandmother?!


Then it all came back to me. This house was where I grew up when I was just a child, those kids recognised me. But I knew that if she saw me, there would be questions, confusion, we had to quietly go through the house and onto the roof to make our escape. 


I had a plan. 

Mocassins...?

he dragged me a nearby ottoman,

I poised myself down on the soft little seat looking around like a child in a lolly shop.

the rush of excitement pulsating through my body a confirmation as I examined the detailed craft and exquisite form.

i deserve this, this beautiful piece of art i slaved for... so perfect, personifying every complimentary word gushed on about it by women for centuries.

My first Manolo's.

Purple patent leather.
Goldtone hardware.
Crisscross vamp.
Buckled ankle strap.
Peep toe. 4" 3/4 covered heel.
Made in Italy.

ART that fit me like a glove.

Then it started again, that wierd day dreamy daze i find myself slipping into again and again.

My mocassins, taking me across the snow to get the sunday paper.

before i knew it, i was walking home thinking hot coffee by the fire with my mocassins on me.

TULLE

a sudden rush of cold but replenishing air.

she gasped taking it all in, surprised that she was asphyxiated, drowning in the nude tule and lace.

with nothing to hang on to, she dipped back again into the textured abyss.

looking up as she sank deeper the cloudy grey, fogged by her wild red hair.

she showed no more restraint,as she felt the last cool on the atmosphere leave her last finger tip. She replayed the view of the perfect grey sky, and the wild greens of the fern, the forest and the spring bud.

The one, deep, breathe of air, tasted like the spirit of the Omnipotent One, that was going to cradle her, carry her through the silk, the rayon, the nylon- - the Tulle.

the Royals

We had to go, it was time.

i felt I was woken up from a deep and long sleep. Everything dark and hazy I was disoriented.

Opening my eyes to a crimson bon fire, with the elders seated around it, clothed in red, black and white, chanting, disputing.

I understood that it was time, and that the 12 inflictions were coming NOW.

we were lined up youngest to the oldest and had to wait for the inflictions of initiation to come. To choose from among the 12 of us who to cause which type of pain.

The White Arrow, that was what i was predetermined for, a cork screw arrow made of bone.

I was to stand still and be shot from behind.

This was My choice. i wanted to be among the 12 boys, not hide in timidity as a woman.

Fight for the king. i wanted to, i yearned to.

The pain was sharp and lingered like an ache that seemed to possess my whole body. Initiation done. They saw me fit to fight.

We were to gather in clusters of three. Sit and pray. out loud.

The first phase of the battle tested our wit. We were to be mentally ready and able.

Draped in what seemed to be nothing like warrior clothes. no armour, no protection, no swords or shields. plain soft linen clothes we were open to inflictions and wounds.

They were coming, swarming like locusts but with the hissing sounds of dashing knives.

There were like the mantis, but made of metal and pierced like needles, paralysing instantly.

we were to entertain them, tell them stories, riddles, occupy their minds, prove our wit.

15 minutes, though lethal, their life spans were shorter than an insignificant fly.

The women, however, completely wrapped in garments were protected, and sat around with large rounded baskets holding treats, they were not to speak. They were to feed and distract the metallic creatures with food and wonders. 15 minutes.

Their time start numbering with entry into the holy battlefield, once out of bounds they wither and die.

There i was, poised amidst my two brothers still trying to convince me to join the women like i should.

But i wanted to fight, Fight for the king.

The first moments of the battle went well, no deaths, no one paralysed.

But there seemed to have been a breach, I was identified, a Woman, unclothed and fighting.

I had to leave.

A girl nearby threw me her outer robe and i wrapped up, picked up a basket and slowly walked out of the battlefield like the rest of them, beasts in my basket.

I was out, back into the view of the white stone monuments and the cold misty air of the city.I wasn't to look back. I could not fight.

Not this time, but there were many wars to come.

And again I will battle, fight for the King.

Fight for my Grandfather, the King.